Mortified ... stupefied ... by you

During a moment of levity in A Beautiful Mind, a colleague taunted math genius John Nash (Russell Crowe): "So how about it, Nash? You scared?" Nash: "Terrified... mortified... petrified... stupefied... by you." There are times when I feel the same way about the political press ― especially the stupefied part. But reading Mother Jones today, I was just plain dumbstruck. I mean, you have to be really, really good (and maybe stoned) to string together a 1,114-word treatise about the fact that Michele Bachmann does not have a Ph.D. You see, Ms. Bachmann recently stated that she has a postdoctorate degree. Turns out she doesn't. But coming from a woman who is notorious for spewing both nonsense and falsehoods, this isn't exactly breaking news. Besides, who cares if she can't call herself Dr. Bachmann? "Representative" Bachmann is bad enough. But for reasons known only to the gods, MoJo writer Tim Murphy felt the need to compose a veritable opus to explore this grave "issue." I had no idea the fate of the nation hung on it. This, my friends, is major league navel gazing. This is how the pros do it, baby. That's why Mr. Murphy gets the Big Byline if not the big bucks. Kids, do not try this at home. You might permanently damage your cerebral cortex. Like I just did.