Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Nominating Perry is a blazingly dumb idea

I HAVE NO IDEA if Rick Perry is dumb ― though the circumstantial evidence seems compelling, in a backward Cochranian sort of way ("if the gloves fit, you can't acquit"). But there is a more basic reason why Republicans would be ill-advised to nominate Perry over Mitt Romney to face off against Barack Obama in 2012.

In the general election, Americans would at least give Romney the once-over and hear him out. He might even have a sporting chance against Mr. Obama if we sink into Depression. Perry, on the other hand, would be dismissed faster than he could say "The Alamo." It's not complicated. Gov. Perry ― the swaggering cowpoke who brandishes an authentic Texan drawl ― will be quickly seen by most non-Republicans as a cruder, dumber, darker version of George W. Bush, the man even the GOP wants to forget. And rest assured, Team Obama will spare no expense in making sure this Perry-Bush portrait hangs high in the gallery of public perception. The only Republicans who could give the game away faster than Perry are Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. Pundits mock Perry for his alleged dumbitude. But their targeting is off. The real question is whether the GOP is dumb enough to nominate him.

Thinking about all of this, the satirical Western Blazing Saddles naturally sprang to mind. Bart (Cleavon Little) is soon faced with an angry lynch mob after revealing himself ("Excuse me while I whip this out") as the town's new sheriff. Thinking fast, Bart points his own pistol at his head and gruffly shouts: "Hold it! Next man makes a move, the negro gets it!" Olson Johnson: "Hold it, men. He's not bluffing." Town Doctor: "Listen to him, men. He's just crazy enough to do it!" Bart: "Shut up!" Bart places his hand over his own mouth, then drags himself through an open door. Once safely inside, Bart coos: "Ooh, baby, you are so talented!" He looks into the camera: "And they are so *dumb*!" As for my Republican friends, only time will tell.

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