What's the plan, Stan?

(NOTE: This post was written before Eugene Robinson or I knew Tripoli had fallen in Libya.)

I bet the estimable Eugene Robinson, a boomer, was listening to Paul Simon's "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" when he penned his latest column. He's frustrated with Obama's inability to snap his fingers and turn the Middle East into a paradise of peaceful, prosperous democracies. You know, overnight. This time, the tumult in Syria is the trigger for his ire. In Robinson's mind, the president needs a new plan, Stan.

He applauds Obama's call for Bashar al-Assad, the Syrian dictator, to step down. But now what? "Do we give Assad the Gaddafi treatment ... with a barrage of cruise missiles?" Robinson concedes that war is not an option (the military is stretched too thin and the public won't buy it). But he says everyone knows that Assad won't leave unless we make him. (Somewhere in Heaven's ether, "Catch-22" author Joseph Heller is laughing.)

Then, like a sudden starburst, inspiration hits the Pulitzer Prize winner. The solution is "something the president has refused to provide": a plan, Stan.

The Plan (i.e., the long lost "Obama Doctrine") would govern "the use of force to defend civilians against their own despotic governments." If that's too Roman Empire-ish to swallow, then Robinson says The Plan, Stan, should at least spell out how America "views its role in the unfolding Arab Spring." I have no idea what that means either. So let's discard it as column-space filler and stick with his Roman proconsul stratagem. And let's not be coy, Roy. Becoming the world's policeman is what Robinson is really talking about.

Presumably, The Plan, Stan, would dictate when the US would employ deadly force against despots. (Robinson conveniently skips over the part about how our thinly-stretched military would respond to the inevitable 911 calls.) Moreover, the world (and dense columnists) would know exactly where America stands in this season of Arab Spring. If Assad started blasting protesters with, say, tank and artillery fire (which he is doing as I write this), then he will know the US would go all Shock & Awe on him. Ergo, Assad won't go there. And suddenly we have leverage to influence the outcome before the closing credits of this West Wing episode. America 1, Despot 0. Sounds good. So why is Catch-22's Heller all LOL now?

Because, any such plan is never as simple as hopping on a bus, Gus. Assad knows that if he doesn't go medieval on his enemies (i.e., the people of Syria), he'll be overthrown and crucified. And therein lies the rub. Since despots are rarely (if ever) rational, they will think: "If I'm going to die anyway, then why not go down all Scarface-like? Because who knows? The Americans might choke." Deterrence ― the threat of force ― is an effective tool with Russian and Chinese oligarchs. But your average despot will keep rolling the dice right up until the moment the black-hooded dude drops the guillotine. Just ask Saddam.

This is why we can't just drop off the key, Lee. A detailed Obama Doctrine (as Robinson defines it) might give pundits clarity and the warm fuzzies, but it's unworkable in the real world. Not unless we really are prepared to go all Julius Caesar on dictators everywhere all the time. That would work. And Palin and Perry would love it. But here's a news flash: It ain't gonna happen. Nor should it. Rome's way is no longer tenable.

So what do we do? Exactly what Obama is doing: Following the basic precepts of Sun Tzu.

All warfare is based on deception. (Ergo, showing your cards to the media would be suicidal.)

Stand for the virtues of wisdom (be patience; don't act alone), sincerity/benevolence (pledge support to protesters), courage (boldly denounce Assad and his repression) and self-control (don't act rashly).

If his forces are united, separate them. (Tougher sanctions are now in effect; Assets of 32 key Syrian elites have been frozen.)

If the opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. (Publicly insist he step down; threaten him with crimes against humanity.)

Hold out baits to entice the enemy. (Encourage Assad allies Turkey and Russia to talk him down. They've agreed.)

Pretend to be weak; Feign disorder, and crush him. (Obama delayed his call for Assad to step down until the US, EU, UN could do so jointly for a bigger punch to the gut. While we waited, Obama appeared feeble. Now, not so much.)

Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected. (Obama asked Arab allies to apply pressure. They did. Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Kuwait pulled ambassadors from Damascus. That's a big deal.)

But wait! Robinson says, his arms flapping: "What happens if Assad decides his best move is to end the protests as quickly and brutally as possible? What if he kills not hundreds but many thousands? How do we respond? Like I said, we really need a plan." So sorry. But Sun Tzu said that in laying The Plan against your opponent, its elements "must not be divulged beforehand." Tipping your hand let's the other guy win. Obama gets that. So, I suspect that the president's playbook (the one detailing his chess moves A to Z) will not be forth coming. Obama is clearly content to just tip his hat and slip out the back, Jack.