Striptease, the newspaper way

I had to chuckle at a Washington Post story this morning. Reading it was not unlike sitting inside a two-bit strip joint in Vegas. "Perry picks up key endorsement in S.C." read the headline. Uh, oh, I thought, did South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley (R) just drink the Kool-Aid? That's just what the Post editors (the guys in dark sunglasses at the back wall) wanted you to think. But no name was identified in the subhead. So, I braced myself and clicked into the piece. Cue the sultry stripper music. In the lead paragraph we learn Rick Perry "continued to barrel across the Palmetto State." Fine. Whatever. In paragraph no. 2, we learn some 400 partisans jammed an "eggs-bacon-and-grits joint" to see him. Yuck. Alright, darlin', pick up the pace. Let's see something while I'm young. In paragraph no. 3, Perry says he's campaigning in the state "with fervor." Okay, now I'm getting bored. I yell: "C'mon, honey - take if off already!" Finally, the bumping music reaches its, um, climax, in paragraph no. 4. Perry is being endorsed by ― wait for it, wait for it ― David Wilkins, Bush's ex-ambassador to Canada. Um, who? That all you got? This is what I get for my hard-earned cash? And the sight of Mr. Wilkins twirling nipple "pasties" -- that's just not right. At long last, sir, have you left no sense of decency? Needless to say, my interest in the piece instantly evaporated. I want my money back.