Tomorrow, all the world is birthday cake

President Obama turns 50 tomorrow. Out of idle curiosity, I Googled "Obama 50th birthday" -- and got back over 700 results. That translates into hundreds of news stories. The page hit pimps have staked out every digital street corner peddling slideshows depicting "before and after" photos of graying presidential hair. Oh, and everybody's a comedian. A "birthday card" from Speaker John Boehner: "Half a century ― now that's a Big Deal." Get it? Flying on auto-pilot, Commentariat musings about the presidential birthday are a variation of James Oliphant's theme: "President Obama turns 50 Thursday, unquestionably older, grayer and less popular than when he took office ...", blah blah. Then there's the inevitable trivia. Abe Lincoln thought birthdays were much ado about nothing. He celebrated none at the White House, according to biographer Emanuel Hertz. Teddy Roosevelt is the only other president who turned 50 while in office. It too was a "low-key affair," according to Time magazine. Time also noted that "the most famous presidential birthday bash is undoubtedly JFK's 45th in 1962." It featured actress and Playboy centerfold Marilyn Monroe's sultry serenade, "Happy birthday, Mr. President." Trust me, Obama Girl (Amber Ettinger, a Maxim centerfold) won't be allowed anywhere Obama (see Michelle Obama). If I could draft a birthday note to Mr. Obama, I'd quote Jean Paul: "Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time." Being erudite, I'm sure the president would appreciate the sentiment. But he'd probably be more impressed with what ex-Senator John Glenn once said: "There is still no cure for the common birthday."

Take it away, Ms. Monroe: