Get off my lawn planet!

BREAKING NEWS (from the Onion.com): EARTH—According to a statement released to the press Tuesday, the planet Earth has "just about run out of ways" to let its roughly 6.9 billion human inhabitants know it wants them all to leave. Following a recent series of disastrous floods along the Mississippi River and destructive tornadoes across much of the United States—as well as a year of even deadlier natural catastrophes all over the world—the Earth said its options for strongly implying that it no longer wants human beings living on it have basically been exhausted. "Do I have to spell it out for you?" the statement [read in part]. "Get the fuck out of here. I want you to leave now." Ha!