Canada the Hun

One day, in the not too far off future, America and Canada could go to war. Really. That's the preposterous thesis of Carlos Lozada in his piece for the Washington Post. Tee-ing off from the rioting after Game 7 of the NHL Stanley Cup finals, Lozada posits that peace with our placid northern neighbors has been mostly based on luck. "The lack of conflict in the region over the past century is a historical exception rather than the norm," Lozada writes, citing a study by University of Toronto professor Irvin Studin. But (cue the scary music) our luck might be running out. Studin reasons that it could come to blows for three reasons. First, technology is leveling the power of balance, raising the specter of cyber-warfare ("Do our bidding or we'll reduce Facebook to ashes"). Second, global warming could open new hydrocarbon resources along the Northwest Passage when the Artic ice melts. That means the US may need to fight its way in if the Canandians go all Scrooge on us. Lastly, when America inevitably declines, Roman Empire-like, we'll become enticing low hanging fruit, even to those Very Nice People north of the 49th parallel. So, Lozada asks, "What are the chances of such tensions and scenarios coming to fruition? Conveniently, the study doesn’t say. This is all rubbish, of course. Al Capone aptly summed up America's interest in the Land of Moosehead beer when he quipped, "I don't even know what street Canada is on." As for potential war, Jon Stewart said it best: "I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days." Somehow, I don't think we'll be seeing hordes of "O Canada"-singing Huns descending from the North anytime soon - eh?