How to quicken the extinction of bookstores

I love independent bookstores. Sadly, they, like Tyrannosaurus rex, are doomed. Only the digital-burrowing e-mammal with genus names like Ameridelphia-Amazon.com-monus will survive the Cenozoic extinction event (a.k.a. the World Wide Web) that occurred in 1991. So it is written, so it shall be done.

But some bookshop owners are insisting on rushing things. Squeezed by increasing competition from fleet-footed e-mammals, bookstores are starting to charge admission for author events. Want to listen to J. K. Rowling in person? Buy her book or cough up $10 bucks, buddy. Otherwise, our bouncer will escort you out. "The entire independent bookstore model is based on selling books, but that model is changing because so many book sales are going online,” SoHo bookshop owner Sarah McNally told the New York Times. Consumers now see the bookstore merely as another library, the Times reports. “They type titles into their iPhones and go home,” said Nancy Salmon, a San Francisco Bay Area bookstore manager. “We know what they’re doing, and it has tested my patience.” I mean, how dare they? Damn customers. ("Look! That lady over there. Yeah, the one reading aloud to her little girl. Somebody call security.")

What's next, full-body searches for digital recording devices before entering the premises? Charging customers like moviegoers is a bone-headed move that will only hasten the demise of bookstores. Yes, losing these brick-and-mortar bastions of knowledge is an affront to civilization. So is Snooki. But Amazon.com (and Snooki) won. It's over, people. Like city hall, you can't fight e-Darwinian evolution. We're better off devoting our energies to saving public libraries and other non-profit entities dedicated to books.