Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Campaign Wars - Episode V

While Christine O'Donnell takes advanced campaign training from Yoda, her friends are relentlessly pursued by Darth Palin as part of a plan to "take back" America.
Yoda: Yes, run! Yes, a candidate's strength flows from The Stupid. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of The Stupid are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did John McCain's apprentice - Sarah Palin.

Christine O'Donnell: Palin ... Is the dark side stronger?

Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.

Christine O'Donnell: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?

Yoda: You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive. A candidate uses The Stupid for celebrity and money, NEVER for good.

Christine O'Donnell: But tell my why I can't ...

Yoda: No, no! There is no "why".

Later in the movie:

Obi-Wan: You don't know that. Even Yoda cannot see America's fate.

Christine O'Donnell: But I can help them! I feel The Stupid!

Obi-Wan: But you cannot control it. This is a dangerous time for you, when you will be tempted by The Stupid's Dark Side. Mind what happened to Darth Palin!

Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. It was just easier than expounding on the shocking number of knuckleheads running for office this year. This took me all of 3 minutes to compose. And the scary thing is how little re-writing I had to do. Swap out the Force with The Stupid, and Vader with Palin, and it nearly writes itself. Ha!

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