That 'Special Relationship'

I intended to rebuke the chattering class for dragging "that woman, Monica Lewinsky" into the government shutdown brouhaha. The last shutdown (1995) occurred on Bill Clinton's watch. As Slate drolly noted, then intern Lewinsky "brought him pizza late at night; the rest is history." CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin brought up Le Scandal merely to self-promote his book on the impeachment. The Washington Post's Karen Tumulty tweeted jokingly: "Lesson from last government shutdown: All interns should be declared non-essential. Also, no pizza deliveries." Ha-ha. Anyway, I thought, this media-invented "Monica Effect" was just an excuse for the "pundi" to feign urbanity and titillate simultaneously.

As I began to load a rhetorical mortar round to fire, I thought, well ... um, what has become of Ms. Lewinsky since the Blue Dress Incident? Yes, curiosity killed the cat, but eight others live on. So, forgive me, I'm going to use one up, cancel the mortar fire, and briefly engage in said titillation, too. (I'll flagellate myself later as penance.)

According to The Google, in the 15 years since her rendezvous with Bill Clinton's, um, destiny, Lewinsky, now 37, dated a bit, never married or had kids, and gained a little weight (judging by recent photos). That Lewinsky is still single is no real surprise. She's clearly a "Girlfriend from Hell" type not unlike the girl in that Virgin Mobile Stalker Ad. You think I'm kidding? Presuming the tabloids are correct, Lewinsky still pines for Clinton. "Monica still hasn’t got over Bill and would take him back in a second,’ a Lewinsky friend told the National Enquirer. "She told me: 'There will never be another man in my life that could make me as happy as he did.'" Lewinsky has issued no denials or lawsuits. She now lives in Los Angeles and is employed only intermittently (she has a master's in social psychology from the London School of Economics). She manages to scrape by on the $300,000 she earned as a pitch-woman for Jenny Craig and the $500,000 she cleared from her 1999 biography (Monica's Story). Okay, I'm done.

Now, where's my "cat-o'-nine-tails" flogging whip? I think 20 lashes ought to be enough for this post.