'Pomp and stuff'

THE ANTICIPATION for the royal wedding is reaching fever pitch ... on the news broadcasts. Watching CNN this morning, I discovered we're way beyond the usual anchor-to-reporter gushing. I'm talking all-in, Full-Monty, school-girl-giggly, OMG!-OMG!-I-can't-wait!-type gushing. I think I broke a new landspeed record changing channels. But it seems I'm not alone in my acute disinterest. The latest New York Times/CBS News poll found that only 6 percent of Americans (mostly women) are following news about the wedding very closely. Another 22 percent (again mostly women) are following it somewhat closely. “I think it’s a lot of hoopla, all that pomp and stuff,” Eric Zeff, 49, of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho told the Times. “They did that for Charles and Diana, and see how their marriage turned out.” But worry not, friends. America's collective yawn won't prevent the entire News Media Complex from moving to London next week to cover Prince William’s and Kate Middleton’s nuptials, 24/7. We're going to be awash in giddy wedding reports whether we want it or not. Like Steve McCroskey said in Airplane!, looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.