1-800-TALK-DIRTY

“We both have big appetites for sex. Pinch us and poke us. Spank us and tease us. We love it all. Enter your credit card number now.” So purrs the recorded lady on the other side of a typical 1-800-SEX-CHAT line. That's the lead-in for a USA Today report about how a porn company is amassing 1-800 numbers for phone sex firms in the U.S. and Canada. It's kinda interesting. But I'm more amazed that sex chat is still a viable business given the endless legions of Internet porn sites (turn off "safe search" on Google, type in "redhead," and behold). Why talk when you can watch, mostly for free? Though my philosophy about sex chat is "hey, whatever floats your boat, dude," I've never understood the appeal. The words gross and scam always spring to mind. And, to use an old Cold War argot, "confidence is high" that the "babe" you're panting with is a hot-talking, 54-year-old bag lady with bad teeth. But that's just me. Obviously, somebody is making big bucks from hordes of willing patrons. Indeed, it's a classic illustration of Adam Smith's supply and demand. I guess it also proves what celebrated writer Michael Chabon once said: “It's very difficult to fail at pornography.”