'One if by land, two if by sea'

So, just who was Paul Revere, missy?

"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh, by ringin' those bells and, um, makin' sure as he's ridin' his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that, uh, we were gonna be secure and we were gonna be free. And we were gonna be armed."

So, to put all that in standard English, after telling the British that they were not getting our flintlocks, a horseback-riding Revere rang bells and fired shots to warn folks that "the British were coming" to take their freedom and guns away. That's the play-by-play history, right? Wrong. It's not even close. Surely these must be the confused words of some poorly educated 11-year-old, right? Wrong, again. This grammar-challenged rendition of Paul Revere's famous "Midnight Ride" belongs to Sarah Palin as told to reporters today. And, no, I'm not kidding.

Palin's incoherent bit about Revere warning British authorities about our right to bear arms (which we didn't have in 1775) is pure fiction. It never happened. Here's the actual history: In April 1775, Revere (an unemployed silversmith) and other Boston patriots were closely monitoring British troop activity. By April 16, the Redcoats - busy amassing boats to carry troops - were clearly up to something. That night in Boston, Revere set up a signaling system for early-warning sentinels watching from Charlestown in case the Brits moved at night toward Concord and Lexington. One lantern would be lit in the steeple of North Church if they marched inland, and two if they came by water (Back Bay). At 10 p.m. on April 18, the British Army made their move. Soon, two lamps began glowing in the "belfry tower." Revere and William Dawes were then dispatched separately to Concord to "alarm" the militia.

Revere galloped to Lexington, rousing people awake along the way. He sometimes shouted "The Regulars are coming out" as he knocked on doors. He fired no shots or rang church bells since doing so would alert British patrols in the vicinity. Revere reached Lexington at midnight. The British arrested him before he got to Concord. Fortunately, Revere wasn't alone. Some 40 other patriots had joined in the effort and the relevant militias in Concord and Middlesex County were successfully alerted. Revere neither sought nor received accolades for his actions that night. He was one of many patriots merely doing his duty in the prelude hours of the Revolutionary War. Fame would come 40 years after his death when Henry Wadsworth Longfellow published the poem "Paul Revere's Ride."

Am I surprised that Palin evidently knows none of this history? Of course not. Her utter lack of basic knowledge and intellectual curiosity is well documented. And as a clueless creature of celebrity who lacked the fortitude to even finish her term as governor, I doubt Palin has any concept of what duty, honor and country truly mean. Indeed, when thinking about selfless patriots like Revere, I am again reminded of just how small and pathetic Sarah Palin really is.