The ‘Great Debate’

After Britain declared war on Germany in September 1939, nothing much happened militarily. For months, the two enemies mostly sized each other up for the coming clash. This phase of WWII became known as the Phoney War. Politically, we've entered a similar period as the GOP settles on its slate of presidential nominees and fires a few tentative shots at Fort Obama. We're still a long ways off from the main event. And most Americans are not yet paying attention to the saber-rattling, let alone the candidates.

That is the context for the last night's GOP debate. Apart from the strategists in Obama's High Command, everyone in the media and political blogosphere, and the tiny fraction of Americans who are party activists were glued to their seats for the duration (about two hours). Predictably, the press is treating this debate like the D-Day landings in France. It isn't. But let's get down to cases, such as it is.

Presumptive frontrunner Mitt Romney “won” the debate mostly because he didn’t lose it. It helped that his opponents shied away from attacking him (this time). Hence the plethora of silly headlines today like “No mitts laid on Mitt.” Having run in 2008, Romney has been here before – and it showed. His relaxed, confident manner contrasted sharply with the amateurish performance of the rookie candidates.

Michele Bachmann emerged as the new media darling. Because it must have someone to obsess over, she is getting most of the postgame ink. Now christened as the Intelligent Palin, Bachmann continued her tradition of waxing idiotic but did not come across as a complete idiot. The press was impressed that she could actually speak in complete sentences. Dana Milbank gushed, “She stole the show!” Ergo, Bachmann is now a viable contender, according to the talking heads. Heck, she just might go all the way. Who needs The Onion when you can read the same copy in the Washington Post? Sigh.

Poor Tim Pawlenty did himself no favors by not launching a Kamikaze attack against Romney as the press wanted him to do. Just think of the ratings that the fisticuffs would generate for the networks. But like the proverbial deer caught in the Klieg lights, T-Paw opted not to go all "Obamneycare" on Mitt and pulled his Zero up at the last moment. Damn, the press grumbled. Consequently, T-Paw is being tagged with the dreaded “wimp factor” label, proving once again that “nice Republican guys finish last.” See what happens when you don’t follow the press narrative? That’ll teach you. The rest of his VP-tryout performance was entirely forgettable. I almost feel sorry for the guy.

The rest of the debate outfielders can be dispensed with quickly. In full befuddled professor mode, Newt Gingrich looked like the dead man walking that he surely is. Rick Santorum predictably came across like the sanctimonious (but clueless) student body president last seen in Animal House. Ron Paul’s well-earned reputation as a Libertarian nutcase (the only good government is no government) remained intact. Herman Cain, a Southern black conservative with Trump-like delusions of GOP grandeur, told debate moderator John King that he prefers deep-dish pizza. The applause was rapturous. Need I say more?

So much for the GOP debut of its less than "Magnificent Seven."

One of the major events that marked the end of the Phoney War was Neville Chamberlain’s fateful replacement by Winston Churchill as British prime minister. Rest assured: there was no sign of a Churchill on the stage last night in what POLITICO ridiculously dubbed as the “Great Debate.” The Lullablitz continues apace in this pre-history phase of Election 2012. I’ll wake you when it’s over.