We few; we band of clerks

With profound apologies to William Shakespeare, I give you NEWT GINGRICH V, ACT 4, SCENE 3, GOP DEBATE, an excerpt based on the famous Saint Crispin's Day speech in Henry V:

SIR JOHN KING (Duke of CNNshire, Debate Moderator):

Of illegal immigrants they have full threescore thousand. O, that we now had here, But one ten thousand of that number in our Guards to secure our borders. O King Gingrich, what say you, in these desperate hours?

KING GINGRICH (Defender of the Republican Faith):

That he which hath no stomach to this fight, let him depart. We would not die in that man’s company, that fears his fellowship to die with us. This day is called the feast of Newt-Crispian.

If you don’t want to use the National Guard, take — take half of the current Department of Homeland Security bureaucracy in Washington, transplant it to Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico. You’ll have more than enough people to control the border.

O friends, forgive my above lapse into my native Harrisburg-shire (PA) tongue ... For from this day to the ending of the world, we in this border battle shall be remembered.

We few, we happy few, we clerks, janitors and analysts; we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me, shall be my brother ... upon Saint Newt-Crispin’s day.

This of course is a bad work of fiction -- except for the verbatim, second paragraph quote of Newt's soliloquy. Evidently the Man Who Would Be King President is convinced that the secretarial pool and business-suited bureaucrats of Homeland Security (many of whom haven't seen natural sunlight in years) will make ferocious warriors in the desert wastelands of our southern border. Frightening, isn't it?