Elections are for closers

Critiquing the GOP debate, POLITICO'S Roger Simon thought Michele Bachmann came in second. Which reminds me of Alec Baldwin's famous rant in Glengarry Glen Ross: "We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? [Holds up prize.] Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired." But I digress.

"She was firm and direct," Simon says of Bachmann. "And she did not say anything embarrassing or scary." Oh, really? I wonder which debate Simon watched. In the one that appeared on my TV screen, Bachmann said she would confer with our "commanders-in-chief” in response to a question about gays in the military. Last time I checked, America only had one commander in chief -- you know, that fellow in the Oval Office who is laughing hysterically. Later, Bachmann vowed not to meddle with state laws on same-sex marriage. In the next breath, she vowed to support a constitutional amendment that would do exactly that. Can U spell c-o-n-t-r-a-d-i-c-t-i-on, Ms. Bachmann? If Simon doesn't find these comments Twilight Zone scary, then he needs to switch meds. (To be fair, most of the press gave Bachmann a pass tonight. That, too, is frigthening.)

Mitt Romney gets the Eldorado, Simon says. Everyone else (Santorum, Paul, Pawlenty and Cain) came in third place or worst. Too bad we can't follow the Glengarry-Glen-Ross rule and just fire these losers now, including the very scary lady with the steak knives. To paraphrase Alec Balwin in the movie, "Put. That coffee. Down. Coffee and presidential elections are for closers only." But I digress, again.