Tour de film

Now this is how one properly rips a new film to pieces utterly:

"So much of life comes down to bad lighting. Too little, you go blind. Too much, and the flaws become as glaringly obvious as the cockroaches scurrying back under the wallpaper. That said, "The Tourist" isn't exactly the movie equivalent of a passport picture. But the high wattage of stars Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie cast the film in a spotlight that would be unflattering for most movies, least of all an insubstantial, tension-free thriller like this."

Yowzer. You can almost feel that cold steel stiletto slipping between the ribs. The movie critic is John Anderson of the Washington Post. I salute you, sir, for saving me from wasting time, money or effort on a trip to the Cineplex, and for doing so with such élan. (By the way, most film critics hate “The Tourist.” Say what you will about the professional movie reviewing crowd, but a word to the wise: they are rarely wrong.)