File Under: Yeesh

THIS just in: Apparently, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, 84, plans to wed his “No.1” girlfriend, 24-year-old Playmate Crystal Harris (pictured left). Hef announced the engagement on Twitter yesterday. So what if the age differential – six decades – is longer than most of us have been alive? "A lot of people talk about the age difference between Hef and I but I don't see the age difference at all," said the Blonde Bombshell adoringly. See? No need for an optometrist here. Crystal is all about 20/20 love and not the money. And I believe you, sweetie. After all, it’s not every day a smokin’ hot babe like yourself can hook up with a man older than your grandpa. Any woman would kill for that deal. So, just ignore my cynical smirk and involuntary twitching. It happens whenever I need to muster the strength to keep a certain wedding night image out of my head.