Attack! – Pretty please?

THE barrel-chested, four-star general shifted the fat stub of the cigar from one side of his mouth to the other. “Men, I have just one question,” he bellowed, staring at the troops filling the auditorium. “By a show of hands, how many of you would prefer not to do multiple combat tours in Afghanistan?” In an instant, most of the hands shot up. “Fine. I’ll call the president. The war’s over, boys,” the general said to the cheers of his soldiers.

Is my little story farfetched? It’s more like some Kafkanian absurdity. Yet, Sen. John McCain’s rationale for maintaining “don’t ask, don’t tell” is frighteningly analogous.

Citing the Pentagon’s survey of service members during today’s Senate hearings on DADT policy, McCain said nearly 60% of Marines and nearly 50% of Army troops in combat units said repeal would negatively impact unit cohesion. “The numbers are alarming," he said.

Perhaps. But so what, Senator? The troops have about as much of a right to vote on DADT as they do in selecting which war to fight. Which is to say, none. (There’s an old saying in the Marines: We fight for democracy, but we certainly ain’t one.)

And that’s pretty much what Defense Secretary Gates said in his testimony responding to McCain:

"I can’t think of a single precedent in American history of doing a referendum of the American armed forces on a policy issue. Are you going to ask them if they want 15-month tours? Are you going to ask them if they want to be part of the surge in Iraq? That’s not the way our civilian-led military has ever worked in our entire history. The ‘should’ question is to be decided by the Congress.”

Exactly.

Slate’s Fred Kaplan explains that John McCain (whom he's taken to calling "McShame") and other anti-gay senators have officially run out of excuses: "If McCain and the others oppose repeal, they have to come up with some new reason -- or fall back on the oldest, most unpalatable reason -- why."

Taking Kaplan’s point to its logical conclusion, the Washington Monthly’s Steve Benen wrote:

"The reality, of course, is that we know the "why"; it's just an uncomfortable truth well-intentioned people are reluctant to say publicly. After all the studies, surveys, hearings, testimonials, court rulings, debates, and discharges, we're left a conclusion that's hard to avoid: opponents of repeal don't like gay and lesbian Americans, even when they're prepared to put their lives on the line to protect the rest of us. To block repeal -- indeed, to refuse to allow the Senate to even vote up or down on funding the troops because of a repeal provision -- is to give in to bigotry. It's as simple as that."

Sadly, it may indeed be as simple as that. When sizing up bigotry, the old “if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck” theory is usually correct. Yet, I’m not ready to call McCain a bigot outright. But the duck feathers I keep seeing, fluttering in his wake, leave me increasingly concerned.