Of tyrants and leotards

Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus ascended to the Roman throne this day in 54 AD.  Born 15 Dec. 37 as Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus, he lived until the ripe old age of 31. Nero, as he was commonly known, was Roman Emperor (the fifth) from 54 to 68. He was stepson and heir of the emperor Claudius.

“He became infamous for his personal debaucheries and extravagances and, on doubtful evidence, for his burning of Rome and persecutions of Christians,” records the Encyclopædia Britannica.

Roman historian Suetonius described Nero as "about the average height, his body marked with spots and malodorous, his hair light blond, his features regular rather than attractive, his eyes blue and somewhat weak, his neck over thick, his belly prominent, and his legs very slender.”

Nero fancied himself as a poet, charioteer and lyre player. In 59 or 60 he began to give public performances on stage. The Roman elite were scandalized. (Think of President Obama in leotards singing and prancing about on stage at, say, the Lincoln Theatre. You get the picture.)

Long story short: Revolts and mayhem that Nero himself helped provoke near the end of his reign resulted in the Senate condemning him to die a slave’s death: “on a cross and under the whip.” When his Praetorian Guard abandoned him, Nero fled Rome (but he later returned, albeit briefly). According to Suetonius, Nero ultimately committed suicide in his palace by stabbing himself in the throat with a dagger.

They don’t make them like Nero anymore – which, of course, is fortunate for humankind.