Every thought 'tis for Facebook

The other day, I found a rather stern note in my e-mail inbox: "You have not been back to Facebook recently. You have received notifications while you were gone. You have 1 group invite, 1 poke, 1 friend request. Signed, The Facebook Team."

Jeez, I said aloud as a sudden Orwellian breeze whipped through my study. It is 2010, but it sure felt like Nineteen Eighty-Four.

Or maybe it is 1984 and I just think it’s 2010. Well, let's do the proverbial math. Facebook’s HQs is based in Palo Alto CA, not that far from the Pacific Ocean – as in Oceania? The firm is essentially organized as an online collectivist society. It has corporate divisions that parallel the Ministry of Truth (for those pesky privacy violations) and the Ministry of Plenty (for rationing out those 500 million “friending” opportunities).

Early in the 1984 novel, the protagonist thinks to himself:

"There were ... whispered stories of a terrible book, a compendium of all the heresies ... which circulated clandestinely ... It was a book without a title. People referred to it, if at all, simply as The Book".

Gee, that kinda sounds like the compendium of clandestine emails and IMs written by Mark Zuckerberg. We’ve since learned they outlined the "dirty tricks" (a heresy by any other name) that he intended to use in order to cut out his co-partner, Eduardo Saverin, from the business.

In 1984, everyone is under constant surveillance. Kind of like those "I Like" tags you see EVERYWHERE. Then there's that constant pressure to "share." And not just articles or photos. Facebook wants to know every detail of your life. Let's not forget those never-ending "friend requests" and "pokes." More pressure. It's all designed to let Facebook propagate its omnipresence.

Then there is this troubling Facebook “doublethink,” a simultaneous belief in two contradictory ideas. I must actively maintain my Facebook page. I have no time (nor the desire) to actively maintain my Facebook page. I must post on Facebook. I hate posting on Facebook. In all of these ideas I firmly believe.

And what about this Zuckerberg kid? How does he compare to 1984’s Big Brother?

Is he is enigmatic? Check.
Oligarchical? Check.
Arrogant? Check.
Revoltingly condescending? Check.
Tactless and cares not a whit? Check and Check.
Wields vast power over Oceania. Check.

That seems to describe B.B. to a tee. Taken together, it all sounds pretty dystopian to me. Naaah. That’s crazy. It's 2010 and surely I'm being paranoid.

But you’ll have to excuse me now. I must head over to the Ministry of Plenty. They require that I lead tonight’s national anthem to Oceania (and I want no part of Room 101): "Unfurl the banners, look at the screen; Never before has such glory been seen. Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, 'tis for thee. Every deed, every thought 'tis for thee ..."