For the past week, virtually every commercial on television has been an attack ad. I could almost tolerate it if they contained at least a modicum of recognizable substance presented entertainingly. Foolish thought. Today, these ads are 99% drivel, and badly produced drivel at that. AND YET, the experts say negative ads work. To quote Reason magazine, “Voters Hate Negativity—Except When They Like It.” Sadly, they may be right.
A piece entitled “Attack Ads Are Good for You!” makes a fairly convincing case. If it’s true, then I don’t know which is scarier: the imbecile-level content in the ads or the imbeciles who believe it – and who then go out to vote accordingly. Still, the article was written in 2006, before blogs and cable news dramatically kicked up our political mayhem by several big notches. Given that fact alone, I suspect we may be speeding headlong down the Road to Political Perdition now. God help us.
Anyway, to vent, here’s my negative attack ad in response to the negative attack ads now encircling us like great white sharks:
[Cue the scary “da-nump, da-nump” music to Jaws]
“Politicians say they want your vote, but do nothing to earn it. They say they’re honest, but LIE as a matter of course. They say they’re smart, but IDIOTICALLY barrage you with constant attack ads during your favorite NFL games. They say they’ll improve your life, but they DANGEROUSLY raise your blood pressure with their attack ads.
Politicians really HATE you. They are:
WRONG on worth.
WRONG on truth.
WRONG on facts.
WRONG on brains.
Did we mention politicians LIE? Politicians want to KILL YOU!
I’m a voter and I approved this message. (Paid for by the Concerned Citizens of the Attack-Ad-Free Television Assoc. – especially during prime time, live sporting events and my favorite TV shows).”
Heh.
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