Memo to Mitch

Mitch, dude, don't do it. It just ain't worth it, man. That's my advice to Mitch Daniels as he ponders a 2012 presidential bid.

Spooked by the shockingly weak Republican field, the GOP elite is pressuring the mild-mannered Indiana governor to save them from the political Frankensteins (Gingrich, Bachmann, Palin, etc.) they created. If Daniels bows to the desperate appeal, the clumsy, grubby hands of the media will wreck havoc with every piece of private clothing in his proverbial closet.

Here's the opening salvo from the Wall Street Journal by conservative columnist James Taranto:

"There's been a lot of talk recently about Daniels's marriage to First Lady Cheri Daniels--or rather, about his marriages to her. [She dumped him and their four children, ran off to marry a rich California lawyer, then dumped him 3 years later to re-marry Daniels. Go figure.] ... There has been no suggestion that Mr. Daniels behaved wrongfully in private, much less in public. ... Yet there's a curiosity around this story, which we suppose comes down to the question: What does it tell us about the character of a prospective president? Or, to put it more pointedly: If a man would take back a woman after such a betrayal, is he tough enough to lead the country?"

Mitch, they are already calling it the "Cuckold Factor." Disgusting, isn't it? And it's only the beginning, my decent friend. If the WSJ is questioning your manhood today, can you imagine what the rest of the media (not to mention the Democrats) will do with it on the campaign trail? And that's on top of the "nebbish" moniker you earned prior to our knowledge of Cheri's "Desperate Housewives" shtick. You don't believe me? Type in "bland + wonkish" on Google and note the name that pops up. It ain't "Barack Obama."

Sadly, presidential politics abhors a charisma-free candidate with the face and mannerism of a small-town accountant. And it doesn't matter if you're qualified for the job. If you opt to go one-on-one with that captivating guy with the thousand-megawatt smile and the bin Laden scalp on his belt, odds are good that you're gonna get smoked. And that's assuming you can get past the crazies in your own party to win the GOP nomination, a long shot at best. In short, Mitch, don't do it, bro. Life's too short. Consider yourself duly warned.