Playacting Napoleon

New Rule: President Obama must stop being serious, drop his plans to change the world and embrace cheesy theatrics. It’s the only language We the People understand. “Serious” won’t cut it. Oh, and don’t forget to feel our pain, constantly.

With apologies to Bill Maher, my (bad) contribution to his “New Rules” shtick is only slightly more ridiculous than what Daily Beast founder Tina Brown proposed in her column today.

“As soon as Tuesday’s drubbing ends, Barack Obama needs to embrace the theatrics of the presidency, however cheesy that may seem to him,” she wrote. I can almost hear that grating, pseudo-cockney accent of hers (she’s a Brit).

Before getting to her other big New Rule ("Obama should be more like Napoleon Bonaparte"), here are a few of Brown's eye-poppers:

”Stop being so high-minded.” Want to neuter those Muslim rumors? Stride to church every Sunday with “a big old Gutenberg Bible.” And take those cute first daughters (dressed in their “adorable Sunday best") with you.

Obama should dole out fancy perks to big donors, she says cattily. Bill Clinton did. “A night in the Lincoln Bedroom is a better deal for the public than a zillion-dollar rich guy tax break or a fat no-bid contract.”

“Obama should go broad, not niche; megaphone, not dog whistle. Big gestures with a halo effect."

Then administering a swift backhand, she insists that Obama is a crybaby. Oh sure, she says, he “ended torture, got us out of Iraq, extended health care, and prevented another Great Depression,” but he whines about not winning hosannas from the public. What a wimp.

So what’s Brown grand solution? “Along with all those books about Lincoln,” she condescendingly writes, “Obama might read some biographies of Napoleon. The general who established the Legion d’Honneur understood that people fought as much for medals as for morals.”

Yeah, right up to part when The People stood mute as he was imprisoned and exiled to the island of Saint Helena in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The little martinet's reputed knack for glad-handing didn't work out too well. Remember? New Rule: Tina Brown must read some history before claiming that she knows some.

Happily, most Americans have never heard of the Daily Beast website, let alone Tina Brown. Therefore, whatever she has to say about anything is meaningless. Oh, and I’ll stick with Cool Hand Obama just as he is, Tina. He’s writing history. You’re just watching it without a clue.