Sound smart, stay stupid

‘TIS THE SEASON, and with it has come something really dumb: A slew of online guides offering how to sound smart at your holiday dinner table without actually being smart.

With turkey leg in hand, you too can win arguments or showcase your inner Marcus Aurelius without knowing anything, the guides promise. Best of all, if you memorize their cheats, you can finally go mano-a-mano with crabby Uncle Ernie, and make him cry like a little girl after you slam-dunk his opinionated butt in political debate.

Somebody dissing Obama? Just say: “Obama is just like Bush—no, not that one.” Play up his similarity to H.W., advises the Daily Beast guide. “Democratic relatives will find you thoughtful. Republicans will be encouraged.” OOH AHH. Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires! Uncle Ernie shouts, flecks of gravy flying. You say: “Actually, Afghanistan's history has seen little BUT empires.” Then, as the Foreign Policy guide advises, dazzle ‘em with this. “For 2,500 years it was always part of somebody's empire, beginning with the Persian Empire in the 5th century B.C.” Oh SNAP! Is that a tear in Uncle Ernie’s left eye? OOH AHH.

All of this, of course, is merely a variation on a pop cultural theme plaguing us for some time: It’s all about me – this time as in: damn don’t I sound smart? And sure, the sundry Brains for Dummies guides are fun and (I hope) harmless. Besides, copious reading, learning the issues, arriving at independent conclusions through study and staying informed is for losers, right?