Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Precious bodily fluids

There are times when it is just plain embarrassing to live here in Arizona.

Don't get me wrong, most folks here are quite rational and sane, including those in the Republican population. It's just that the nutters have a way bigger megaphone.

Before I continue, recall this classic scene from the 1964 film Dr. Strangelove: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb:
General Jack D. Ripper (Sterling Hayden): Mandrake?
British RAF Group Captain Lionel Mandrake (Peter Sellers): Yes, Jack?
Ripper: Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?
Mandrake: Well, I can't say I have, Jack.
Ripper: Vodka, that's what they drink, isn't it? Never water?
Mandrake: Well, I-I believe that's what they drink, Jack, yes.
Ripper: On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.
Mandrake: Oh, eh, yes. I, uhm, can't quite see what you're getting at, Jack.
Ripper: Water, that's what I'm getting at, water. Mandrake, water is the source of all life. Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface is water. Why, do you realize that 70 percent of you is water?
Mandrake: Good Lord!
Ripper: And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
Mandrake: Yes. (he begins to chuckle nervously)
Ripper: Are you beginning to understand?
Mandrake: Yes. (more laughter)
Ripper: Mandrake. Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?
Mandrake: Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes.
Ripper: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water?
Mandrake: Uh? Yes, I-I have heard of that, Jack, yes. Yes.
Ripper: Well, do you know what it is?
Mandrake: No, no I don't know what it is, no.
Ripper: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face? ... That's the way a hard-core Commie works.
Pardon the long set-up, but it's sadly necessary for context. Yesterday, the Phoenix City Council heard two hours of very heated testimony about the wisdom of fluoridating the city's water supply. Yes, you read that right. It gets worse. Opponents loudly argued that fluoride "lowers IQ levels in children." During the debate, some repeatedly shouted "Fluoride is dangerous!" and "The government is poisoning us!" according to the Arizona Republic. Yes, really. After hearing all of this, I'm happy to report that the council voted to keep adding fluoride to the water supply. Bullet dodged. And a grateful citizenry is once again safe from tooth decay. Like I said, most Arizonans are as sane as those city council members. But those who fret about their "precious bodily fluids" always get the spotlight. That's the way your hardcore whack-job works. The gods must be laughing, again.

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