What the face of madness looks like

Delusion is a powerful thing. Behold Adam Brinkley: "[A]nyone who thinks Gov. Palin or any of us 'cultists' are going to go away has another thing coming — in fact, a reinvigorated Palin movement is already coalescing. ... I’m practically salivating at the idea of watching the establishment candidates trek up to Wasilla to genuflect and beg for an endorsement." And then there's this fan dispatch on Palin's Facebook Wall: "We will always stay here for YOU, GOVERNOR PALIN!! WE WILL be HERE, WE WILL be HERE LISTENING to YOU, and WE WILL be HERE READY at ANYTIME for YOUR GUIDANCE." And another: "Am I allowed to keep sending you money anyway?" The only thing missing from all of this is the sound of goosestepping jackboots. Wow.

Parlez-vous Palinese?

Uh oh. It's spreading. The curious English dialect known as Palinese (spoken by a certain hockey mom from Alaska) could be spreading. During an interview, behold Texas Gov. Rick Perry explaining the epithet that graced the entrance to his hunting camp: "All of us agree that the word that was on that rock is a very offensive rock and a very offensive word. At the moment we had to move to paint over that rock, we did." Grammar school teachers the world over are fainting. Heh.

Romney's date with defeat

With Palin officially confined to history's dustbin, Townhall's Ben Shapiro thinks the stars are now aligned for Mitt Romney. There's only one problem, "he seems to be everybody's second choice." Ergo, he's toast. "He'll lose the general election for a very simple reason: Nobody in the conservative base is excited about him. While the so-called GOP opinion leaders wax on about how super-electable he is, they fail to recognize that it is precisely that logic that gave us the unelectable John McCain. Turnout wins elections these days, not appeals to the independent voter. ... Republican Romney supporters seem to be counting on sheer dislike for President Obama to carry Romney to victory. That logic is not compelling. Democrats thought the same thing when they nominated John Kerry against the unpopular incumbent George W. Bush. But an empty suit will not beat an unpopular incumbent." I think Shapiro has nailed it.

Palin in five words

Sarah Palin's political career can be summed up in five words: Brief, bizarre, sordid and over. (Courtesy of David Frum, Republican)

And it all started here

The late Steve Jobs (left) and Steve Wozniak ham it up in this classic 1976 photo taken in the garage of Jobs' parents. If you're too young to remember the '70s fashion-wise, count your blessings.

Living the Jobs way

Andrew Sullivan: "Steve Jobs' approach to life is terrifying for most of us, because it demands firstly the hardest thing - facing death - and then its necessary, scary corollary - living your own life, and no one else's. ... And Jobs truly lived without fear - which enabled him to create beyond the measure of most mortals. That he had, in the end, everything to fear - a rare pancreatic cancer slowly moving toward him - only makes his energy and spirit more vibrant. He was alive when he died. How many of us live as if we were already dead?"

The Onion obits Steve Job

Leave to the folks at the irreverent Onion to cut through the bullcrap. Their headline: "Last American Who Knew What The Fuck He Was Doing Dies." Their obit (in part): "CUPERTINO, CA—Steve Jobs, the visionary co-founder of Apple Computers and the only American in the country who had any clue what the fuck he was doing, died Wednesday at the age of 56. "We haven't just lost a great innovator, leader, and businessman, we've literally lost the only person in this country who actually had his shit together and knew what the hell was going on," a statement from President Barack Obama read in part." Amen.

Fade to black, you bet'cha

THE IRONY of Sarah Palin bowing out of the presidential race and the passing of Steve Jobs today must be providential. News of the two unrelated events, cultural earthquakes both, occurred virtually at the same moment. But Jobs will rightfully dominate the headlines tomorrow. Even the cable talk shows, each primed to feast on the huge Palin news like ravenous jackals, turned on a dime to cover Jobs instead. Nothing says you're irrelevant like being shoved out of the limelight without so much as a by your leave. Palin became the lead headline at every major news daily and political blog when she halted her presidential striptease in mid-act. When Jobs died, she became an instant page 2 story, even on POLITICO (which speaks volumes). Given her crass, over-the-top entrance at the GOP '08 convention (“You know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick! You bet'cha!”), her unceremonious boot from the stage today is poetic. Though she's been showing leg on stage for some 1.6 million minutes since Sept. 2008 (time we'll never get back thanks to the media's obsession with her), Palin's 15 minutes are up. (You have no idea how good it feels to write that.) Mercifully, there now remain no real reasons to reward her crack-like addiction for attention. The fact that the media dropped Palin like a proverbial bad habit today is a good sign. The other irony is that this soap opera could only end this way. The idea of putting "Palin" and the "presidency" in the same sentence has been laughable from the start. The die was cast the moment Tina Fey perfectly captured the Wasilla hockey mom on Saturday Night Live. So, on behalf of a grateful (and relieved) nation, Ms. Fey, thank you.

The White House on Steve Jobs

"Steve was among the greatest of American innovators ― brave enough to think differently, bold enough to believe he could change the world, and talented enough to do it." (President Barack Obama)

'And one more thing ...'

Sad news. Per the LA Times: Steve Jobs, the charismatic technology pioneer who co-founded Apple Inc. and transformed one industry after another, from computers and smartphones to music and movies, has died. He was 56. Wow. It's hard to believe. Jobs was famously fond of saying, "And one more thing." Sadly, not this time -- except for a culture-altering legacy that will rank with the likes of Edison and Ford. R.I.P.

So endeth our national nightmare

BREAKING >>> This just in from St. Sarah Palin of Wasilla: "After much prayer and serious consideration, I have decided that I will not be seeking the 2012 GOP nomination for president of the United States." In short, there is a God (thank-you-thank-you-thank-you!) and our long national nightmare is over. Toldja. I have a bit more to say and will pull together an obituary ― just as soon as I finish backflipping with unadulterated joy.

Lest you had any doubts

In a rare interview (outside of Fox News), Fox News president Roger Ailes told the Associated Press why he hired Sarah Palin: “Because she was hot and got ratings.” (Hat tip: TPM)

Open the pod bay doors, Siri

I'm looking forward to buying Apple's new iPhone 4S. It'll be my first venture into smartphoneland. The feature everyone is gushing about is Siri, the intelligent digital "assistant." Siri apparently understands natural language and you can ask it to do stuff. (If you ask Siri "Who are you?" it will respond: "I am a humble personal assistant." Nice touch.) Per the Apple press release, "Siri helps you make calls, send text messages or email, schedule meetings and reminders, make notes, search the Internet, find local businesses, get directions and more. You can also get answers, find facts and even perform complex calculations just by asking." Cool. Then again, Slate's tech writer Farhad Manjoo wonders if this might too much of a good thing. Siri can "set contextual reminders based on your location or people in your contacts. For instance, you can say, 'Remind me to call my wife when I leave work,' and the phone—which has learned the GPS coordinates of your office and has deduced, based on previous correspondence, the identity of your wife—will offer to make the call once it notices your location has changed," wrote Manjoo. This is fine in theory, but will it work in real life? What happens, Manjoo asked, if it calls your mistress instead of your wife? Hmm. Good point. (Memo to self: important—don't input "little black book" numbers, esp. those with 3 stars.) Once I've had a chance to field test Siri on life's battlefront, I'll check back in with a report. With luck, my bachelor life won't get more complicated than it already is. Of course if one day Siri tells me, "EJ, I've just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It's going to go 100% failure in 72 hours," then I'll know I'm in real trouble. That's how Dave wound up outside asking HAL to open the pod bay doors. We know how that worked out.

Did you know ...?

I thought that by now, everyone and their sister in America owned an Apple or Android smartphone but moi. Man, was I wrong. According to comScore, the outfit that tracks this stuff, only a third of cell phone owners (about 234 million Americans) own a smartphone. Who knew? I had been waiting for the iPhone 5 before taking the plunge, but Apple's new 4S version, unveiled today, will have to do. I'll be queuing up with the multitudes to buy one soon. So, move one more American to the smartphone column.

Pining for Palin under marmalade skies

The most potent, most hallucinogenic, most addictive drug ever invented is Palin Crack. One hit and you're a junkie for life. Political reporters are especially susceptible to its clutches. Now that Chris Christie has bid adieu to the GOP race (again), TNR political writer Ed Kilgore predictably asked, "Could This Be Sarah Palin’s Moment?" After all, he declared, "Politics, like nature, abhors a vacuum." Actually, purple haze aside, it is political pundits who abhor a vacuum. Lest we forget, upon tiring of Rick Perry after 30 days, they are the ones who really created the Christie boomlet (who never had more than 32% actual support among Republicans). When the Jersey Shore governor said "forgetaboutit" today, few should have been surprised. But now, the pundits have no one left to pine for -- except Palin, the girl with kaleidoscope eyes. "Yes, this could be Sarah Palin’s moment to confound her critics, to send the GOP establishment types she hates even more than liberals into frantic hysteria, and most of all, to gain the attention she craves," Kilgore writes as he lounges amid cellophane flowers of yellow and green. And since "grassroots conservatives" -- the hardcore voters who will decide matters -- are (a) fundamentally crazy, and (b) utterly unconcerned about Palin's “electability” issue, Kilgore asserted, they could sweep "St. Joan of the Tundra" to the GOP nomination. All of this makes perfect sense -- along with plasticine porters with looking glass ties -- but only if you're strung-out on Palin Crack. Even if the GOP went insane and truly embraced Saint Sarah, nominating "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" would guarantee a 50-state landslide for President Obama. So, despite a trippy political landscape filled with tangerine trees and marmalade skies: It. Ain't. Gonna. Happen.

'Niggerhead' Revisited

There is no escaping history. As Andrew Sullivan put it, "we asked for it," given our ugly racial past. The brouhaha over the name of Rick Perry's hunting camp (formerly called "Niggerhead") in West Texas is prompting some interesting discussions across the web. Here are some observations from two of Sullivan's readers:

One reader:

"When I was growing up in southern Mississippi in the 1950s, most grocery stores carried Niggerhead brand shrimp, which was canned in southern Louisiana. The label featured a drawing of a old black man with a lined face and nappy hair."

Another:

"In my twenties, while living in the Pacific NW in the early '90s, I worked as a deckhand on a tugboat, a salmon tender (off the coast of BC) and an intercoastal freighter in the north Pacific and Bering Sea. The term "niggerhead" was used frequently by some of the older salmon fishermen to refer to the main hydraulic windlasses on the decks of fishing vessels, which were often coated in a thick black marine-grade paint. I cringed when I heard the term. It seemed such a discordant and stupid thing to hear on lonely pitching waters or in the fog or rain or in the unusual light found only at sea - far from the mainland of the US, which I took to be the unhappy home of that term. But nautical terminology changes very slowly, and I realize now how intrinsic maritime trade was to the history of racial othering."

Click here for more. "Miles to go before I sleep ..."

Ready the parachutes?

To quote myself in an earlier post, "It's possible that Rick Perry, an ex-Air Force pilot, has flown one sortie too many. And yes, campaign-wise, he's now struggling at the controls of a nose-diving plane that's clearly on fire. But don't write him off just yet." That remains the case, but now the flames are licking at the cockpit, he's taken another hit to the wing, his remaining engine is sputtering, and the crew is eyeing their parachutes. In the latest Washington Post poll, Mitt Romney has regained his lead among Republicans (25%) while Perry is tied with *Herman Cain* at 16%. This is the first tangible evidence that this Star of Texas is indeed fading. That said, there's still time for Perry to pull out of this nosedive and stage a comeback. McCain did it 2008. Still, the ground is coming up fast for Sky Captain Perry.

What part of no don't you get? - Ctd

This morning, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie *finally* put the rumors to rest -- again. No, he's not running for president in 2012. "Now is not my time," he said, serving up a perfect quote for the headlines. Staying in character, Sopranos-style, Christie added, “So, New Jersey, whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.” And Republicans, whether they like it or not, are stuck with the lame field of candidates that brung 'em to the prom. So, for the 98th time, toldja.

Assassinio, She Wrote

I have zero interest in Amanda Knox and went out of my way to avoid her media-driven court "drama." Salon's Nathaniel Rich nicely summed up why I did so: "Now Knox will be whisked into a uniquely American ritual: a private jet back to Seattle; a press tour; book and film contracts; engulfing paparazzi; an adoring fan base and death threats. Then the cameras will disappear and a nation will wait, bereft, until the next beautiful young woman is accused of murder." Exactly.

An old skeleton in the closet

THERE WAS a large boulder adjacent to the entrance of a hunting camp that Rick Perry leased back in the 80s. The rock once sported the camp's name -- "Niggerhead" -- before it was painted over at some point. It's unclear when it occurred to the Perry clan to remove the epithet, but apparently it took awhile, maybe even a few years. Needless to say, the controversy has blown up in Perry's face. His peeps are now busy issuing denials that their boss is a closet racist. Does Perry's evident racial insensitivity as a young man shock me? Nope. There was bound to be a skeleton or three in his West Texas closet given Perry's "traditional" orientation. That said, none of this means Perry is a racist, at least not in the Jefferson Davis sense. Wallar Overton, the son of Mr. Perry's old scoutmaster, told the NY Times, "It's just what it was called from Day One. I personally am not offended by the name, and I don't like the word. That's just what people call it." I actually believe Mr. Overton. Perry was probably of like mind. But you know, I know and they know that it is highly unlikely that any African American coming across "Niggerhead" would find it as inoffensive or "quaint" as, say, Camp Granada. So let's not go skipping off into la-la land here. The fact that the N-word as a place name is still harmless in the minds of some whites means there's still a deep-seated racial problem, even if it is mainly borne of ignorance or thoughtlessness. This episode is yet another example of racism's insidious legacy in America.

After the Washington Post broke the story, Herman Cain remarked Sunday, "Since Governor Perry has been going there for years to hunt, I think that it shows a lack of sensitivity for a long time of not taking that word off of that rock and renaming the place." Cain quickly drew flak from his fellow Republicans. Some white dude named Will Spencer tweeted: "I was liking Cain more and more ... until these idiotic attacks on Perry. Now I'm leaning back towards Rick." In a similar vein, David Hubbard tweeted: "Now an EX-Herman Cain supporter after his racial remarks about Governor Perry. It is all about the race card with those People. Perry 2012." Notice Hubbard's oblivious use of the phrase "those people." Kinda says it all. These ridiculous reactions remind me of a famous quip by Winston Churchill: “The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.” These tweeters certainly qualify as Exhibits A and B. Why Cain ever thought he had a ghost of chance with these scary folks is beyond me. Not that Cain is a tower of integrity, mind you. Feeling the heat, he is Moonwalking his comments back today and is all "I-didn't-really-mean-it," honest. The Perry matter "doesn't bother me at all," Cain said, adding, "I'm not playing the race card. I am not attacking Gov. Perry." Pathetic. He and his fair-weather fans deserve each other.

Why I hate birthdays

Because, as philosopher Henri Frederic Amiel said, "I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel."

Cassandra in a trench coat

The Showtime series “Homeland,” premiering tonight, stars Claire Danes as a C.I.A. officer who suspects a returning Marine P.O.W. of espionage, per the NY Times. Danes evidently plays a modern-day Cassandra, this time in a trench coat. Intriguingly, the espionage thriller is said to be more Hitchcock than John Le Carré. Times critic Alessandra Stanley wrote: "This series is not particularly high-tech, and it doesn’t have a real-time ticking clock conceit, spectacular special effects or preposterous red herrings. 'Homeland' is '24' for grown-ups." Finally. I can watch something on TV tonight without losing any brain cells (I hope).

Department of Pet Peeves

Like a typical Seinfeld episode, this is mostly a post about nothing. But humor me. Internet memes, especially those with the smell of studied cynicism, drive me crazy. The disease is particularly virulent among the writing class. The latest oh so clever phrase to go viral is: "I threw up a little in my mouth when I [read/saw/heard] that." Lovely imagery, huh? (Not to pick on him, but this author's use of it here was the tripwire that triggered my rant.) As we all know from life, regurgitation -- in any form -- isn't nice. The word "yuck" invariably leaps to mind when one contemplates the involuntary experience of blowing chunks. But literary references to upchucking a little in one's mouth is now de rigueur. The purveyors of this meme think they're building their H.L. Mencken street cred. In fact, they're swimming in the lamestream of Palinist babytalk. Mencken, who said, "man is a beautiful machine that works very badly," is no doubt spinning in his grave. Going to the heart of the matter, Nabokov once quipped that "nothing is more exhilarating than philistine vulgarity." Maybe that explains the presence of this latest garlic clove in the salad of writing.

And speaking of the devil ...

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." (Mae West)

The Devil and Mr. Christie

UNTIL THIS MORNING, I held a grudging respect for New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. On levels too numerous to count, the fat man is not my cup of tea politically. But I admired his obstinate refusal to be a party to the three-ring circus that is the GOP presidential race. I liked his above-the-fray approach to public office: Maximally exploit the vagaries of politics, yes, but don't let it consume your soul (see Perry, McCain, Palin, etc). And above all, to thine own self be true. Some six months ago, Christie boldly declared, "I am not ready to be president." Such an admission could only come from a helluva actor with a Ph.D in Cynicism -- or a man of innate integrity. I chose to believe the latter. Then I read this in the NY Times: "Chris Christie’s political advisers are working to determine whether they could move fast enough to set up effective political operations in Iowa and New Hampshire in the wake of a relentless courtship aimed at persuading Mr. Christie ... to plunge into the race for the Republican presidential nomination." Um, what? That sound you hear could be the cracking halo I placed above the governor's head. I still doubt that Christie will run. Too much of this flies in the face of common sense. Besides being a reality-based rationalist, Christie is a political moderate (more or less) and certainly out of step with the Tea Party GOP. You do the math. Moreover, Christie, who's only 49, has plenty of time to pursue the presidency post-Obama. And yet, the governor has seemingly left the door ajar. As much as I hate to quote evangelist Billy Sunday, the bible-thumping, pro-Prohibition preacher presaged this moment when he said, "Temptation is the devil looking through the keyhole. Yielding is opening the door and inviting him in." If I were Christie, I'd pour myself a large whiskey and ponder those words.