Glee, Republican-style

Sometimes, watching the GOP primary is like being teleported to a high school from which you can never graduate. Think Glee without the glee or the possibility of parole. Newt Gingrich (a cool kid wannabe) is a chess club nerd without the brains. Rick Santorum, an ongoing legend in his own mind, is the preening student body president who has already picked out his spot on Mount Rushmore. And Donald Trump, well, he's one of those "mean girls" despite his bad hair. Talent, let alone singing ability, is unknown at this infamous institution of lower education. We've now gotten the news that all but Newt and Rick have declined the Donald's invite to attend his school debate on Dec. 27. (Herman Cain, the class clown, would have gladly shown up but was kicked out of school last week for, um, inappropriate behavior.) Speaking from the campus of his delusions, Trump -- the self-appointed "moderator" -- told CNN's Wolf Blitzer: "People are afraid that I'm going to run as an independent candidate and some of the people that are supposed to be in the debate have expressed that. And I don't want to give up that option, because it certainly is an option." Right. Scotty, can you please beam me back now?