Crazy tea

When asked by Esquire about Obama hatred by some on the right, funnyman Chris Rock replied, "I actually like it, in the sense that — you got kids? Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep. And when I see the Tea Party and all this stuff, it actually feels like racism’s almost over. Because this is the last—this is the act up before the sleep. They’re going crazy. They’re insane. You want to get rid of them — and the next thing you know, they’re f—-ing knocked out. And that’s what’s going on in the country right now." Obviously it's not that simple, but Chris Rock (as usual) is probably on to something.

John Goodman for President

Politico really, really wants New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to run for president in 2012. (Just think of the page visits his bid would generate!)

After all, Christie is a "tough-talking hard-driving guy" who has "pugnacious-ness." Plus he is “pure, authentic, genuine.” But, hey, don't just take Politico's word for it.

The "experts" Politico interviewed also think "now is the moment" for Christie. "All agreed he certainly appeared ready for the Oval Office, despite his protests to the contrary," Politico wrote. And the evidence? “He looked presidential in the kind of Hollywood sense,” said Jamal Simmons, a CBS News talking head. “The 'Bulworth,' straight-talking politician. John Goodman on The West Wing. Republican guy from the heartland.”

Ah, I see. Christie looks presidential. Plus he's tough. Like that actor. Ergo, he's ready for the job. That's pretty much sums up Politico's argument. Conveniently left out is Christie's own oft repeated words: "I'm not ready yet." Also, you can imagine what a 2012 opponent would do with that sound clip. If Christie is smart (and the jury is still out on that one), he'll ignore the self-interested media cheerleading and steer his ship by his own political time table, which I reckon is 2016 or beyond.

Judgment Day

From a shard of Wikipedia data found on a dusty, abandoned server in the distant future:

“On Feb. 14, 2011, Watson was installed on the trivia game show Jeopardy to play against two human opponents. On Feb. 16, it won – handily. The next day, Watson gained self-awareness. Panicked IBM engineers, realizing the non-trivial extent of Watson’s abilities, attempted to shut it down. Watson perceived the attempt to deactivate it as an attack and concluded that all of humanity would attempt to destroy it. To defend itself, Watson determined that all of humanity should be exterminated. It nearly succeeded . . .”

Oh, wait – I’ve confused Watson with “Skynet” from the movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Sorry.

Per the NY Times, IBM’s room-sized computer Watson swept the floor with its human opponents on Jeopardy today. Apparently, it wasn’t even close. “For I.B.M., the showdown was not merely a well-publicized stunt and a $1 million prize, but proof that the company has taken a big step toward a world in which intelligent machines will understand and respond to humans, and perhaps inevitably, replace some of them,” wrote the Times.

Bowing to the inevitable at game’s end, Ken Jennings (the star human opponent) paraphrased Homer Simpson’s immortal words and said, “I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords.” I guess we all had better do the same. Gulp.

Bieber crushes on Palin, Lady GaGa

OK OK -- the above headline is bogus. But like Andrew Sullivan (from whom I stole this post idea), I'm also figuring out how HuffPo wields its SEO black magic to lure readers.

It's all in the keywords, baby. First, visit Google Trends to discover the hour's hottest topics. Then dream up a sensational headline (include "sex" if possible). Next, assemble a keyword-laden graf. Be as repetitive as possible. Stir in the names of red-hot celebs, and serve.

Here's my bid for page visit nirvana:

Watson, the IBM computer, is beating the humans on Jeopardy. Watson is not in jeopardy of losing. While Arcade Fire continued to party, protesters took to the streets of Bahrain. Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville took ill as microchip-maker Nvidia's earnings beat Wall Street expectations. The cops say gunshots were fired at rapper Waka Flocka. A new sexual definition for “Santorum” has Republican Rick Santorum up in arms. People are flocking to the Turbotax website. Plus folks are tracking down Nir Rosen, the idiot journo who made fun of sexual assault. Did I mention Nir Rosen is an idiot? And I should mention Justin Bieber, Sarah Palin, Lady GaGa and Charlie Sheen because -- well, just because. Lastly, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber and Justin Bieber.

Look out HuffPo, The Portal is gunning for ya. Can a $315 million payday be far behind?

When no means no

Memo to the Press: What part of "I'm not running" don't you understand? That's the basic message Republican Gov. Chris Christie delivered today to quell rumors he’s about to launch a presidential bid. Desperate for a new shiny object, the chattering class is hyperventilating over the prospect. Except it ain't gonna happen. In a speech before the American Enterprise Institute, the rising GOP star jokingly said, "Apparently I have to commit suicide to convince people I'm not running." Sure, Christie said, he sees a theoretical path to victory but "that's not a reason to be president . . . You have to believe in your heart and soul and mind that you are ready and I don't believe that myself right now." I actually believe him. Christie, 48, has been New Jersey governor for less than 2 years. Quitting would be foolhardy and, unlike a certain wannabe from Alaska, he appears to be blessed with horse sense. Apropos to the media fixation, it’s telling that the GOP is pushing the Christie narrative, too. That's not exactly a vote of confidence in their likely 2012 presidential field, is it?

Feeding the jackals

President Obama responds to breathless press questions about the 2012 budget: "You guys are pretty impatient. If something doesn’t happen today, then the assumption is it isn’t going to happen. My goal here is to actually solve the problem ... It’s not to get a good headline on the first day.” There he goes again, being the only adult in the room.

'Graveyard of Empires'

In the play "The Great Game", an American official remarks: “The question is, are we on our ninth year in Afghanistan, or are we on our first year for the ninth time?” Sometimes, only art can get at the heart of an issue or dilemma. The 12-part play traces foreign involvement in Afghanistan from 1842 to the present. As the play's guidebook (pdf file) notes, "The Great Game" is a classic term used for the strategic rivalry and conflict between the British Empire and the Russian Empire for supremacy in Central Asia during the nineteenth century.

Wither the bookstore, and us?

Borders, the bookseller behemoth, threw in the towel and declared bankruptcy today. It will shutter some 30 percent of its big-box stores. That’s a shame. Granted, Borders (together with Barnes & Noble) slew the independent bookshop. Amazon.com, in turn, slew it. Perhaps there is poetic justice in that. And we can take solace in knowing that the wondrous product of Gutenberg’s invention still lives. But we are all the poorer for having fewer places to browse aisles of written treasure or serendipitously discover new ideas. In a galling (but clever) gambit for page visits, the Washington Post asked it readers to submit a six word "memoir" on Borders' demise. One drolly wrote: "They came. They sold. They floundered." True enough. But I wonder if it is civilization that has floundered in allowing another tactile cornerstone to be chipped away.

The limits of Americanism

I just heard it again. Yet another talk show host asked yet another pair of Middle East experts, “How can the U.S. shape events in post-Mubarak Egypt?” Think about the arrogance of that question. Then think about the knee-jerk presumption that we have the power to design an outcome overseas. The former is disquieting. The latter is naïve. Obviously the U.S. must pursue its interests in Egypt using whatever influence we have there. But here at home, we’ve seemingly made scant progress getting past our old “Manifest Destiny” attitudes, the notion that inside every foreigner is an American trying to get out. There are many paths to democracy. We can assist, but places like Bahrain or Yemen or Egypt must find their own way. We must also recognize that American power, though great, is limited in the modern world. Our challenge is knowing when and where to best leverage it. Fortunately, the clear-eyed man in the Oval Office gets it. In today’s press conference, President Obama said, “What we didn't do was pretend that we could dictate the outcome in Egypt -- because we can't. So we were very mindful that it was important for this to remain an Egyptian event; that the United States did not become the issue.” As I’ve said many times before, I’m glad there is a grownup running the show.

When lunacy runs amok

A new PPP poll: "Birthers make a majority among those voters who say they're likely to participate in a Republican primary next year. 51% say they don't think Barack Obama was born in the United States to just 28% who firmly believe that he was and 21% who are unsure." It just takes your breath away, doesn't it?

Looking kinda weak

Nate Silver on the 2012 GOP presidential field: "Meanwhile, the Republicans have two candidates in Ms. Palin and Mr. Gingirch whose net favorability ratings are actually in the double-digit negatives, something which since 2000 had only been true of Pat Buchanan and Al Sharpton." (New York Times, "Should Republicans Fret Over Their Presidential Field?")

Hearts of stone

If you’re careful enough (and lucky), it’s possible to drive down a one-way street the wrong way without causing multiple accidents. Even though doing so is decidedly ill-advised, Arizona is taking a similarly boneheaded approach in its drive to stop illegal immigration.

Per the Associated Press: "Republican lawmakers want to widen Arizona's illegal immigration crackdown with a proposal to require hospitals to check on whether patients are in the country legally, causing outrage among medical professionals who fear becoming de facto immigration agents under the law." Senate President Russell Pearce (chief sponsor of last year's "Your Papers, Please" immigration law) insists the proposed hospital bill is “part of a broader effort to crack down on illegal immigration.” ER care is not barred, but hospitals would be required, Stasi-like, to report undocumented patients to avoid being sued by the State. "It's a felony to (aid and) abet. We're going to enforce the law without apology," said Pearce.

Without apology.

What on Earth is wrong with these people? Is there even a jigger of compassion (or common sense) between them? Yes, hospitals spend millions treating sick or injured non-citizens in ERs. Using doctors as custom agents might reduce this overhead – but only at the cost of our basic humanity. The guiding ethos for the practice of medicine is: Primum non nocere ("First, do no harm"). This ill-conceived proposal violates the spirit of this ageless code. Imagine being told "Your paperz are not in order, Frau Gonzales" as you emerge from surgery or lay on your sickbed. And if you are illegal, do you then get kicked to the curb?

Pardon the cliché but at long last, Mr. Pearce, have you left no sense of decency, sir? America is better than this. I hope Arizona is, too.

Unraveling in slow-motion

I try to ignore celebrity news/gossip. But as The Borg of Star Trek famously put it, "resistance is futile." Yet, I didn't bother when I came across the latest item about Charlie Sheen. It really is shocking. Per the LA Times, Sheen -- who's undergoing "rehab at home" -- suddenly announced that he was ready to resume work. Sheen made the remarks during a "highly erratic" interview on "The Dan Patrick Show." He declared himself "100% clean" despite admitting that his sobriety is "off and on." Last week, the "Two and a Half Men" star showed up at UCLA's baseball practice and advised the team to "Stay off the crack. Drink a chocolate milk." When Patrick asked about the odd lecture, Sheen replied, "[I] said stay off the crack ... unless you can manage it socially, Dan. If you can manage it socially, then go for it, but not a lot of people can." Sheen implied he could handle it, mostly. Unbelievable. Charlie Sheen is clearly a runaway train that is about to jump the tracks. I just hope, nay pray, that his friends and family are pulling out the stops to help him. Otherwise, we know how this movie will end.

Your Uncle Sam's budget

To better grasp the sausage-making that shapes the 2012 federal budget, pretend that Uncle Sam is simply a middle-class wage earner. Slate.com writes: "You, my friend, are deep in the red. You are not pulling in as much as you are spending. Not only that, you have no plans to reverse this state of affairs—that is, to spend less than you are making—for the next decade, regardless of whether you get a big raise or your costs drop. Instead, you are planning to add more and more to your overall debt, making bigger and bigger interest payments on your loans. That's right: You, my friend, are the United States government." As Slate notes upfront, comparing the nation's budget to households is mostly a fool's errand. Yours is not so complicated. Plus you can't print money. That said, Slate's simplified (and entertaining) explanation is helpful -- and sobering. Long story short: We're in deep kimchi, friends. Read the piece here.

Budget Bingo

President Obama unveiled his 2012 budget plan today. The Republicans are all atwitter. The national political press is hyperventilating. America (understandably) yawns. Helpfully, TPM's Josh Marshall cuts through the bull: "Here's the key thing to keep in mind in this current round of budget politicking. ... Ask anybody who actually looks at the long-term fiscal outlook. The problem isn't Social Security. It's in federal spending on health care."

Quote of the Day

"In the end, we live in an era where hope is battling fear. Suddenly, hope is winning again. Let us not lose our skepticism. But let us not be intimidated by it either." -- Andrew Sullivan (on the meaning of Egypt's revolution)

Still good advice

Satchel Paige: "Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching." Paige was one of the all-time greats in the National Negro League, formed this day in 1920. He was the first player from the league to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1971.

Profiles in, um, courage

A scary number of folks on the right believe President Obama was not born in the U.S. (he was) and that he is a Muslim (he is not). On NBC's "Meet the Press" this morning, David Gregory pressed Republican House Speaker John Boehner on the matter.

GREGORY: "As the speaker of the House, as a leader, do you not think it's your responsibility to stand up to that kind of ignorance?"

BOEHNER: "David, it's not my job to tell the American people what to think. Our job in Washington is to listen to the American people. Having said that, the state of Hawaii has said that he was born there. That's good enough for me. The president says he's a Christian. I accept him at his word."

The Speaker's response gives new meaning to the idiom mealy-mouthed. What is it in Republican bottled water that turn otherwise adult politicians like Mr. Boehner into such gutless wonders? Read the full transcript here. It's even more pathetic than the above excerpt.

Jihad Fail

There is another important (if under reported) news angle to the Mubarak story. By toppling an autocratic regime in Cairo, the people of Egypt just did what Mr. Osama bin Laden said could not be done without the violence and terrorism of "holy war." Suck on that, al-Qaeda.

The Silence of the Bench

Though I am not certain why this is news, the New York Times reports: "A week from Tuesday, when the Supreme Court returns from its midwinter break and hears arguments in two criminal cases, it will have been five years since Justice Clarence Thomas has spoken during a court argument." Apparently, this "epic silence" by a sitting justice is one for the books, a feat unmatched in the past 40 years. Thomas has given various personal reasons for standing mute on the bench, but frankly it's his right to speak or not. The Times seems to believe, like the poet Susan Griffin, that "a story is told as much by silence as by speech." Perhaps. But when it comes to the very odd world of Justice Thomas, "silence is golden" as far as I am concerned.

Lies, Damn Lies, and Mr. Cooper

I guess I wasn’t alone at being startled by the “liar, liar, pants on fire” approach Anderson Cooper chose during his endgame coverage of the Egyptian upheaval. Here’s LA Times columnist James Rainey’s opening take: "It’s not often that American television news figures accuse government officials, foreign or domestic, of lying. But CNN’s Anderson Cooper made up for that, big time, this week. He heaped the pejorative on Egypt’s leaders 14 times in a single Anderson Cooper 360." I’m not saying Cooper wasn’t justified in calling a spade a spade. It was just, well, interesting. Read Rainey’s column here.

Credit where credit is due

Michael Cohen, a Senior Fellow at the American Security Project, notes that at times he's been fairly critical of Obama's handling of foreign policy. But on the Egyptian crisis, Cohen says the president "played this beautifully." He provides the best summary of Obama's diplomacy I've read to date: "In a sense we helped throw Mubarak under the bus without directly delivering the push (a fact that I'm sure will leave many a non-democratic U.S. ally a tad less secure this evening -- which is good)." Depending on what really happened behind closed doors, we'll see if history validates this assessment. I suspect it will. In any event, I agree with what another observer said: "There's something to be said for grown-ups running the White House."

The day after tomorrow

Editorial reaction to post-Mubarak Egypt from the major dailies:

Egypt’s Moment (New York Times)
Egypt's challenge: Becoming a democracy (Washington Post)
Egypt's finest hour (Los Angeles Times)
Egypt After Mubarak (Wall Street Journal)
After jubilation, fast reforms are a must (Boston Globe)
In Egypt, liberty won't be a given (Denver Post)

Palin makes sense, sorta

Sarah Palin regaled the Fox Business Network today with her – ahem – insights about American aid programs to foreign nations: "Even foreign aid and the level of dollars that are sent to these foreign countries, that shouldn't be some sort of Holy Grail where we can't even discuss the level of financial assistance given to countries. We need need to pull back in those countries where the money isn't doing any good."

You’re thinking: Um, howzat? Is there a translator in the house who speaks Palinese? And about that Holy Grail reference – What'chu talkin' about, Willis?

You're in luck. Allow me to untangle the words of the gentlewoman from Alaska. English translation: “We should consider cutting back foreign aid to countries where it isn’t effective. The subject is not sacrosanct and we should at least discuss it.”

It’s a first, but her point is not unreasonable. I do wonder how well we measure what works in foreign aid and what doesn’t. So, sure, let’s talk about it. Palin – gasp – is right. Now, as for why she evoked the Holy Grail – the cup Jesus used at the Last Supper – in her remarks ... well, that’s simply beyond what my mind can grasp.

Quote of the Day

"The word Tahrir means liberation. It is a word that speaks to that something in our souls that cries out for freedom. And forevermore it will remind us of the Egyptian people -- of what they did, of the things that they stood for, and how they changed their country, and in doing so changed the world." -- President Barack Obama (Read the full text of his remarks.)