OMG! Look! They're NAKED!

Recent research by the Puritans Parents Television Council has discovered a "staggering" increase in both the frequency and explicitness of nudity on primetime TV. Staggering, mind you. And we're talking "full-frontal nudity, full nudity," too, says the PTC. In fact, the only thing standing between viewers and eternal damnation are those black bars that (barely) block viewing of the actor's tallywacker or bodacious ta-ta's. And, God help us, these unspeakable sins are happening at earlier evening hours. The PTC huffs that the values of the American people "are being assaulted on a nightly basis" without warning from those prurient broadcast networks. And why, oh why, hasn't the FCC zealously adjudicated its "backlog of 1.6 million unadjudicated indecency complaints?" Because Our Children Are Watching, intones the PTC. So, just who are these self-appointed guardians of 17th morality? Well, the PTC claims to be a non-partisan organization that advocates "responsible entertainment." In reality, they're uptight Puritans who harbor the haunting fear that somebody, somewhere, may be happy.